May, 2012 - Mace Kingsley

How to Know How to Make the Correct Choices

Posted on May 28, 2012 by wilson-admin-main

A word that is often misunderstood: Constructive: It means “Helping to improve; promoting further development or advancement (opposed to destructive).” Keep checking in to find out why it is good to know this.

Successful: is deciding to do something and then actually doing it or deciding not to do something and actually not doing it. Accomplishing or realizing a goal.

How to Know How to Make the Correct Choices

First let me say that those young people who have taken classes with me know this information well! But one can never know this well enough or be reminded of it. It is something that I so wish I had really duplicated when I was younger. It would have saved me so many mistakes and heartache had I really “gotten” and used this information. So I am passing it on here for all the teens that missed this in my classes and for any adults who never looked at things in this way.

How do you determine if something is good or good to do? Well let’s look at this definition of good and see if it will help you. One definition of good is “being more *successful than one is unsuccessful along **constructive lines.

Evil is being more successful than one is being unsuccessful along non-constructive lines. Harmful things and activities that go against ones own survival and/or the survival of others.

When you look at these definitions of good and evil before one chooses to act one can compare the act against them. Will my action be constructive? Will I be able to complete my constructive action or in leaving it incomplete will it be more harmful.

In thinking of good vs evil people tend to think of extremes but often the choices before us are very subtle where one might not really consider an action evil. I will give you a clear example that I often use with the younger students so you can see what I mean by this:

Let’s say you have three students who have signed up for classes. Each student should have a clear purpose and something they want to achieve by signing up for that course. Each has a good reason for wanting that information to help them in life. But let’s say one of them did not. Perhaps he signed up for the class only because his parents required it and he has no real purpose for doing the course himself. This one student who we will call student “A” decides his only purpose to take the class is just to play around with his friends. So he comes to class daily and now makes jokes and makes the other kids laugh. The other kids become more interested in student “A” rather than the information in their class. Now they are pulled away from their studies, the class is disrupted and no one is achieving their purpose or goal. Is student “A” being good or evil? He is after all just being fun, having fun, right?

Well let’s compare his actions against the above definitions of good and evil. Is student “A”s actions constructive (helpful) to the majority of the students achieving their goals and purposes for taking their classes? No? OK then there is the easy answer! Now normally one would not think of that particular action as evil but when you look it that way it is.

Using this to help you make every day decisions makes things so much easier:

Should I leave that mess or not? Constructive? Destructive? Which? And what is your intention: to be constructive or harmful?

Should I drink alcohol knowing I will have to drive home?

Should I eat that sweet when my intention is to lose weight and be healthy?

Should I let those nasty words fly out of my mouth no matter how deserved?

Should I be intimate with that person or not?

Should I go to the dentist or not?

Every decision can be examined against this and in doing so your chances of arriving at a happier outcome will be much greater.

It is something every child can be easily taught, every teen can be reminded of and every adult can use to help them become a better parent, a better spouse, a better employee, a better person in general.

To get more exact data and technology regarding this subject contact Mace-Kingsley Family Center at 727-442-3922 or www.macekingsley.com. We will be happy to refer you to the courses and books that give you this exact information.

*Successful: is deciding to do something and then actually doing it or deciding not to do something and actually not doing it. Accomplishing or realizing a goal.

**Constructive: It means “Helping to improve; promoting further development or advancement (opposed to destructive).” Keep checking in to find out why it is good to know this.

Reasonableness

Posted on May 21, 2012 by wilson-admin-main

Recently some things have come up that made me realize I need to write this article. There is a great difference between “reason” and being “reasonable”. Now when I say reasonable I am not talking about being logical. That is in fact one definition of the word. However, there is another definition and this is the one I am going to be addressing today.

Reasonableness is: when rather than observing things as they are or investigating to see how things are, a person takes what they see and dubs-in (fills in with their own imagination) what they think is happening in order to make the confusing and illogical scene make sense. You see, reasonableness is inserted as an explanation for the thing that does not make sense.

A person sees something they can’t think with or understand and rather than go observe and investigate, they assume things that may or may not be true in order to reconcile the things that don’t make sense.

This is actually much more widespread than you would imagine. Once you know about this, you can observe it for yourself and you will be surprised how often it occurs. This is because a person feels uncomfortable when experiencing something illogical. To ease their discomfort, they distort what they are observing by ignoring what they are actually seeing and concluding they’re seeing something different than what is really happening and so alters the scene in their mind.

Someone trying to make sense out of a chicken in a bedroom is a good example of this. Everyone knows a chicken belongs in the yard or in the hen house but you try to make this fit. “Well, it is a family pet.” It is once again the source of comedy unless you are operating this way in life and you are the source of that comedy and the source of the trouble that is vexing you.

So what does this have to do with parents and teens? Well, this is actually very important. I will give you some very real examples of how this comes into play and why it can be so dangerous to you and to the people around you.

Let’s start simply:

A mom knows that her seven-year-old daughter needs ten and a half hours of sleep to be well rested. She knows that on a school night her daughter must go to bed by 8:30 PM in order to get up at 7:00 AM. She also knows that at 8:30 PM her daughter will be mid her favorite TV show. Then the coming attractions comes up mid that one for the next show and oh how she wants to see that. Bedtime comes—daughter argues and whines. All her friends go to bed at 10:00 PM. Mom does not in fact know how much sleep a seven-year-old needs to be well rested so starts to wear down. Maybe getting nine hours of sleep is fine. Oh, what is one more show just this once…? “Reasonableness”.

It is bedtime and a son is at the computer playing a game. He’s mid the most exciting part of the game. Mom says its time for bed. He’s already been on the computer for two hours. He argues, “But mom this game is really good. It puts me into communication with people all over the world. I’m making friends and learning about the cultures of others.” And instead of being firm and getting him to march off to bed, she buys into the sales pitch and gives in to let him finish the game which takes another hour and a half. …. Reasonableness.

Mom and Dad have read and researched and learned how too much TV is not good for children and teens. They become inactive, over-eat and receive false viewpoints and information from the script of television shows. They are exposed at a very young age to promiscuous behavior passed off as “normal”. Yet Mom has to get things done and Dad is busy. Better to have the child quiet in front of the TV set than running around wild getting into who knows what. Better to know your teen is sitting in front of the TV set at home even maybe with his or her friends than running around town getting involved in inappropriate activities because after all, “you can’t be everywhere at once”. “I just have to finish this one project. What does it really hurt?” And “click” on the TV goes. …Reasonableness.

Am I guilty of it? I am, sorry to say, but I’m getting better and better. My sister who runs 3 and 4 year olds all day long reminds me constantly that it is consistency that makes the difference. When you waver, the children get confused. They don’t know the line. They are too young to know how to determine what is good for their minds and bodies and what is not. It is up to adults to teach them, and sometimes we teach them by example.

So let’s see how this can translate to teens being reasonable with themselves and their friends:

A group of girls are hanging out. One of the friends that usually hang out with them isn’t there. One girl turns to another and starts talking about this absent girl. Maybe she is a little irritated with her for one reason or another. “Did you see how she was flirting with your boyfriend the other day?” “Yammer, yammer, yammer.” Now she knows that she would not want to be talked about that way by a friend and so does every other girl sitting there, but instead of standing up and saying, “you know we are all friends and we shouldn’t be talking bad about each other behind each other backs,” the other girls, not wanting to seem different, either sit quietly or worse yet start jumping in on the gossip. In truth, the girl was tutoring the boyfriend in math, not flirting at all. …. Reasonableness.

Your teenage son goes to a party with a friend. Mom and Dad ask who will be there, assumes they all come from good families; there won’t be any inappropriate goings on. At the party there is beer; later when it is time to drive home, your son knowing it is not safe to drink and drive gets in the car with his friend anyway. I mean, he doesn’t seem that drunk and he’s seen other adults do it in the past. His friend seems coordinated enough…. not so bad… just this once or how will he get home? He certainly can’t call his parents and tell them why he needs them to pick him up. He’d never be allowed to hang with his friends again. …. Reasonableness

I can give you a million other examples but instead I will let you observe this for yourself and send me in some of your own examples.

So what can we do about all this? The first thing to do about it is to get all the exact data and technology about this. Mace-Kingsley Family Center can direct you exactly to it and where you can find it.

The next thing is to be able to recognize it in ourselves and in others and then to just knock it off! Get the correct data on how things are supposed to be so you can recognize what you are feeling uncomfortable about. Be willing to observe and be brave enough to say when something is not right. And be willing to teach your children this as well, so that when they become teens they can apply it even when you are not around.

Wishing you miracles,

Diane DiGregorio Norgard

Mace-Kingsley Family Center

727-442-3922

Reason

Posted on May 18, 2012 by wilson-admin-main

Reason is being able to use the data you have to figure out something new.

Reason is also thought plus effort.

You can use reason to predict what might happen, to decide things for yourself or to figure out how to do something or how to do it better.

Why is this good and important information to have and understand? Let’s take a look at it:

Reason is one of the things that human beings have that other members of the animal kingdom don’t have. It is one of the things that gives us the edge, and it is the basis of a lot of creativity that makes our lives more durable and more enjoyable. If you have a number of random facts floating around in your head and you understand them, then when encountering a situation in life, you can pull those facts together and utilize them to figure out how to do something or to do it better than you could before.

Let me give you an example of this: Let’s take swimming. A young child learns to float then kick his feet and move his arms and he can make himself mobile in the water. He starts out just having fun. Then one day he joins the swim team. He wants to swim faster. He notices and is coached that if he doesn’t raise his head out of the water but just turns it to the side to take in air that he will go faster. He speeds up. But he is still not as fast as he could be. He learns some facts about wind and water resistance and finds ways to make his body more sleek, he learns to perfect his stroke so it picks up less air and gives him a longer stroke. Before he knows it, he is breaking records for speed! He has in fact, to some degree conquered a portion of the physical universe to be successful in his goal.

People like Thomas Edison and Alexander Graham Bell and other inventors were able to take facts that they knew to be true and put them together in unique ways to create new inventions that then made life easier, more productive and even more enjoyable for a great many people. They used “Reason” to accomplish this.

But reason is even more useful than that. By truly understanding the second definition of Reason: (thought plus effort) one can easily debug any situation that is not successful for him/her. Did you get to school or work late? What was missing? Not enough thought? Not enough effort?

Did you get in trouble with your family or your work? Did the actions you took (or didn’t take) were they the result of not enough thought? Not enough effort? You see how it works?

One does not have to be a psychic or a mind reader to predict the future as long as you are using reason. You simply look at all the facts and think through how much estimated effort you need to achieve your goal. Then you apply that much effort to it. If you see that your goal is not getting attained fast enough, re-evaluate how much effort is needed and apply it correctly.

Let’s say your friends are inviting you to do something you would not normally do; it looks like fun but you aren’t sure. OK – get all the facts, think it through, imagine all the different possibilities that effort can result in. Is the outcome of that activity more constructive than destructive along pro-survival lines? Do you foresee long lasting happiness from it? Do it! If not, I personally would beg off and if needed, point out to my friends the possible negative outcome of such an activity. After all, you don’t want their demise on your conscience! That is not likely to make you happy if they are truly your friends.

Now I am very sure the teens reading this article think that I’m just writing this for them, but in fact adults are equally subject to not using reason when we should. Teens see it all the time and I don’t need to point it out to you. Often when you are upset with us, you are quick to point it out to us yourselves. And you know what? You’re right! Sorry parents, but we are not immune to mistakes in this area. We often put work before family, stay up way too late, play on the computer longer than we should rather than be productive, we watch too much TV, and we put off physical exams, dental exams, etc. We sometimes set bad examples for our children.

So my point here is just because you see an adult not using reason is not a excuse for you to do the same. Just because someone you admire or respect makes this mistake is no excuse for you to turn your head to it and ignore it. If you care and love your parents, friends, co-workers and school/team mates it is perfectly all right to go over this with them and remind them of it. And when someone who cares about you points it out, it is perfectly all right to accept their communications on it. After all, it is your best survival they are looking to secure.

For information on where to get more data that will help you “know how to know” the best ways to survive, contact Mace-Kingsley Family Center. We will guide you to observable truths that will make your life easier, better and happier. Contact us at 727-442-3922 or click here.

Knowing

Posted on May 16, 2012 by wilson-admin-main

Today I want to write about something a lot of us struggle with. I bet you are thinking that after all the articles I’ve written, this is going to be something about observing things and looking into things — you know what this article is going to be about. Well… yes, that is definitely part of knowing, but there is something much more when it comes to control and discipline regarding knowing.

When you know something, there is no doubt, no decision, no worry. If you know something is white and other people are telling you it is black or even that it’s gray, but you know without a doubt that this thing is white, then anyone could say anything, but you just know it. You don’t worry about your sanity or if you are wrong or maybe you should say it’s black to make people happy. You can simply acknowledge what the person is saying and then remain steady and firm in your knowledge. You don’t waiver.

Now I am going to give you a graphic example of this:

One day I went for a guitar lesson. When the lesson was over, my teacher had to leave before me. His wife, a friend of mine was home working. She is an artist that works at home sculpting the most incredibly beautiful fairies. As I was packing up my guitar I started talking to her. She was busy, and while she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, she was in need of getting back to work. But she didn’t ask me to leave; she recognized I was in need of some affinity and communication at that moment. So she talked to me for a little bit. After a short while, she stood up and started walking. Of course I walked beside her; she acted as if my walking toward the door was totally and completely my idea. She wasn’t brushing me off or distracted from our conversation in any way. She was totally there with me. Then she said, “Oh I’ll help you,” picked up my guitar as we walked to my car. I got in, said goodbye and felt great. And it wasn’t until I was almost five miles down the road that I realized what had happened and how well she had controlled the situation.

That was the best graphic example of being totally calm and knowing, therefore using control. She was in complete affinity with me and talking with the same reality as me when we communicated. There was no force, because there was no doubt that I would walk to my car and drive home happy.

So how does this translate to control and discipline? Well, if you tell your child to go to bed now, and in your own mind you have complete knowing that they are in bed on time – you see it as if it happened already, then if they counter-intend that command by ignoring you or doing something different, you wouldn’t have to get annoyed or angry or anything — if you know they are in bed on time. Despite their railing you would continue to communicate to them with affinity as you walked them to bed and put them in. Your confidence and certainty would just be greater than any of their confusions or upsets.

I know that until you try it, that you will think this is an impossible thing to apply when your child is defying you about getting to bed, or getting off of the computer or putting that object down in the store, or accepting the fact that they are not going driving with their friends. The first thing that has to happen is to remember to use it; to know that you can know and do know, and then not to drop into anger at the first defiance. I mean think about it – how many times have you told your child to go to bed, they say no, you get firm, they say no louder, you get angry, they dig their heals in and get angry back etc, etc, etc but in the end they end up in bed? They do. All that drama and finally in the end, they go.

Now what if you, rather than getting upset (and knowing that they are going), just talk to them? As you are talking, walking, maybe helping a little bit, intend for them to be in bed. Calmly and with affinity they follow and then the next thing you know, they are in bed.

I know you are saying in your head, “Oh My Word! She has totally lost it! Sometimes I’ve seen her get upset with her daughter.” Yeah, I admit it; I have to practice this as well. Like I said, it starts with knowing it and remembering to use it. When I have, it worked every time. At work I automatically just use it, at home I have to sometimes get over myself and remember to use it. And maybe with you it will be the same. But just try it, practice it and then yes, observe for yourself whether or not it works for you.

For access to the exact information and drills to achieve the results you intend call Mace-Kingsley Family Center at 727-442-3922.

Transitions

Posted on May 14, 2012 by wilson-admin-main

OK! In this article I want to write about something that is one of the reasons I love working with teens and young adults. It also happens to be very personal to my life.

I grew up in a very strict, organized and loving Italian family. My mother had a way of making everything simple. You cleaned up after yourself as you went. You went to bed at a certain time. You woke up at a certain time, knew what you needed to do and did it. Anything less was met with the proper control or discipline as needed.

On everyday of my school life that I remember, I got up at 6:30 AM and started my day. From that moment on, there was something set to do within each period of the day until I went to bed. That is not to say I didn’t have choices; I was given many choices and freedoms to pick what I wanted to do on my scheduled free times. They were seldom sitting around watching TV. They usually were creative and fun activities.

Then when I turned sixteen years old, a guidance counselor from school called me in to his office. He wanted to know what I planned to do after high school. I can’t say that I hadn’t thought of it before. I remember in Jr High School writing a paper about wanting to be a teacher. So I knew I wanted to go to college.

Truthfully, I had no idea what I was really good at. I knew I didn’t enjoy clerical type work and I didn’t want to do hairdressing, something they actually taught at my high school. I couldn’t see how the things I was good at, talented in and skilled at translated to a working income in my adult life.

As the counselor asked me his questions, I felt confused and reeling. He invalidated my goal of becoming a teacher and told me by the time I graduated, that field would be flooded and I wouldn’t be able to get a job. He suggested that I find another field of work. He sent me away to think about it. He had no idea how his invalidating my goals changed my life and confused me. From his viewpoint, his intention was to help.

I had a few more years to worry about it; the problem was that I didn’t know how to go about finding out the answer. The day I graduated, I was happy to have been accepted at a college so I would have four more years to figure it out.

Now let’s look at this situation for what it really is. In our current society, children are not expected to work for exchange. They are sent to school for years and years. They only have a vague idea of why. The only responsibility they really have is to do maybe a few chores at home, to arrive at school, learn something and do their homework.

Compare that to many years ago. Most places were farming communities. The children woke up and their chores were feeding animals, or helping mom prepare breakfast, the older kids even helped in the fields. These are all life-learning opportunities and skills they will use in their adult life. After breakfast, the kids washed up and if they attended school, they went. If they home schooled after cleaning up the kitchen, they schooled. This went on until about noon, after which they ran home to help in the fields, with the house and afterwards played for a little while with their friends. When they were eleven years old, their parents arranged for them to work with a local business owner or artisan if they didn’t want to work on the farm with their dad. By the time they were 17 years old they had a profession. They could support a family, they knew they could exchange or grow food, exchange or build shelter.

However, in our current society we send our children to school to be able to make their way in the world when they are somewhere between 22-30 years old, in which case they can date around and have fun until they get bored with it and then settle down to have a family, worrying a bit that they might be too old to conceive children. They are schooled with little correlation of what the subjects have to do with any work they would be doing in life. During this time, unless the teen was given work to do, a reason to do it and/or in a school that helps him/her find the work that fulfills his/her purpose for living, that teen starts to become confused and reeling the closer they approach graduation day.

I understand the reasons behind child labor laws. Those laws were written to handle those individuals that would take advantage of children violating their civil and human rights to an education and to their health. But now those very laws have caused their own problems. Now we have teens graduating not able to support themselves. In a society where even if you have the skills necessary to support yourself finding work can be difficult, can you imagine how unsettling it is for an eighteen year old with very little skills at all to be given a big pat on the back and shoved out the door? And what is worse, most of them want to be out the door. They want to get out on their own and start living their lives but they can’t. Even if they go to college, most have to work a side job and just because they are back in school, it doesn’t mean it is the same structured system they came from. In college they are on their own to make it to their classes or study for their classes on their own responsibilities. There is no mom and dad to remind them, nudge them, and coax them. Professors don’t do that either. Many enter college and hit the shock of it; falter and then either get up and run with it or flunk out.

To parents, I urge you to observe your children, notice their talents and strengths. Encourage them in those areas. Enroll them in activities that will nurture those talents and strengths. As they get older, point out professions that use those skills, not pushing them towards any of them but making them aware that if they wanted to use those skills there are professions available. If possible, find a company that will let your child experience that kind of work if your child wants to do that.

Something my parents did when I was a teen was, they provided my necessities—all of them. However, extra clothes, jewelry, hobbies etc they had me work out how I would earn the money to get those things. They helped me learn how to save the money for those things. And they helped me learn to budget my money by shopping with me and showing me how to find sales, how to get the best quality items for the least amount of money. If I wanted a stereo or an instrument etc., I bought it for myself.

Now what I’m going to say next might put some into a panic, but I think if you look at it you will see the value of it. I go to friends’ houses and their kids have cell phones, game boys, X Box type game systems, Wii, expensive computer games, their own personal computers etc. Sometimes I see that the teen is paying for their own monthly phone service or contributing to it and sometimes not. But most of the time the other perks were given to them, which all contribute to filling up their time, but not in helping them necessarily with life survival skills. Teens, I guarantee you the work you will do to earn the objects and fun things you want will mean so much more to you. I do warn you though that you may not have the time to play those computer games or watch a lot of TV. However, you just might find that you are having much more fun and when you do get to those things, you will enjoy them more.

Also, parents and teens, don’t be afraid to write your government representatives to tell them you want high school programs that will educate you better in life skills, which ensure you can attain employment by the time you graduate high school. Those skills are as important as History and Biology. There should be classes that include basic vocational skills and the Arts. Even those who are college-bound should be encouraged to take them, as even college students need to know how to cook, how to budget, how to balance a check book, how to find an apartment and negotiate the purchase of a car.

For me it is very comforting and rewarding to help teens and young adults figure out their purpose in life and to help guide them with well-researched, tried and true practices that are very successful. To see them go from confusion to winning is pure joy!

You too can have access to these references. To find out how contact Mace-Kingsley Family Center at 727-442-3922.

When Auditing Children, What are We Doing?

Posted on May 4, 2012 by wilson-admin-main

In HCOB 23 May 1971R revised 6 December 1974, THE TWO PARTS OF AUDITING, LRH says about auditing:

“There are two stages. 1. Form a communication line 2. Do something for the pc.

“Those are the two distinct stages. It is something like (1) walking up to the bus and (2) driving off.

If you don’t drive off you never go anyplace.”

The definition of rudiments is: “those steps or actions used to get the pc in shape to be audited in that session. For auditing to take place at all the pc must be “in session” which means (1) willing to talk to the auditor, (2) interested in own case. Rudiments are actions done to accomplish this.”

(from the Basic Dictionary of DIANETICS & SCIENTOLOGY).

Occasionally, parents bring children in for auditing when there is a problem; the child isn’t sleeping or they’re sick, have behavior problems, an ethics situation, etc. While that is certainly a commendable action and we can absolutely handle those things with the tech, we are basically just handling the out-rudiments of the case (ethics, body rudiments, ARC breaks, etc.).

While we are happy to handle these situations, it can become somewhat frustrating to the Tech team when the parents don’t want to continue getting any more auditing for them. Basically all that was done was that we got the child to walk up to the bus! We now have them ready to climb aboard and drive off but the parent is saying, “OK, thanks! You can ride the bus another time… wasn’t that fun?” And usually the kids are saying that they want more auditing because now they see it makes them feel better and do better in life.

Ethics is there only to get tech in so that the pc can actually have gains. If the effort of getting their ethics in is not rewarded with the gains of auditing, I have often seen the case backslide. Sometimes, when they are older, they’re no longer interested in getting those gains. It was denied them so often, why bother? (Failed purpose)

To me, I immediately think that there is some lack of understanding of who and what we are auditing when we audit children.

Well, let’s see what Ron says about that in the article “How to Live with Children” in the Childrenbooklet: “A child is not a special species of animal distinct from man. A child is a man or a woman who has not attained full growth.” LRH

So who then are we auditing? We are auditing spiritual beings with little bodies who now need to reorient themselves to the new body and its capabilities.

In an earlier article, I explained the use of “His/Her time” or “Special Techniques for Children” (as it is more technically called) during the child’s auditing time and how this is used to not only establish a communication line with the auditor, but also to handle any problems and upsets (the rudiments) a child might have before the session.

So what then can you possibly audit with an infant, baby or child? There are many, many processes that help a being get oriented to the physical universe and become in better control of his body and environment. The results of this have been a happier child, who grows well with little illness and accidents.

As a child gets older, there are many processes that flatten buttons on help and control; their control as well as their tolerance of being controlled by others, which of course is important in being a valuable team member. There are also many processes that uncover and validate the abilities of the being and help validate their abilities to make pro-survival decisions. There are many processes on communication and the ability to communicate more freely. And that is just a few of the many things that can be addressed in a child’s auditing.

Simply by clearing the words of the auditing commands, I have found that children get an education and better understanding of communication and how it works…even with objects! How does the physical world communicate to us? We clear words like: interest, curious and lookwhich teach a child to observe rather than to take things at face value. We clear words like:decide and control so that they understand that to control, one must first decide. These are all valuable life lessons that lead one not to be afraid of responsibility and causative action.

I also find that children who have been audited, grow up to be much more responsible teens. Then, as adults, they have a much smoother time with work and in life. I can only base that on my observation of the statistics of these teens and adults that I know and have helped. However, I have seen enough of them to know that that is a true statement.

I invite you to take advantage of the wins both you and your children will have as they progress through their auditing. I hope the above answers some of the questions you may have regarding auditing and your child.

Wishing you joy,

Diane DiGregorio Norgard

Mace-Kingsley Family Center

727-442-3922