Happy 90th Birthday!

Category: Parent Hatting

Happy 90th Birthday!

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

My mom had her 90th Birthday last month. She didn’t want people to know how old she was because her 80 year old friends would think she was old.

So don’t tell.

She still lives in her home with two cats, a crippled dog and a bird. We have three ladies who come throughout the day to help her with whatever she needs. The evening home care lady takes my mom and her dog for a walk around the block holding on to my mom on one hand and bridging the other to hold the leash on the dog. It is quite a sight as they make this trek.

Her goal is to make it to 96 and I believe she will make it.

Goals are a funny thing. If you make them big enough they will usually last for many years as a goal. I know sometimes when the family is talking about their common goals for group survival the desired objective may be something immediate and temporary… like a trip to Disney World or a new TV. But as the discussion continues I have seen their originations turn to lasting goals such as having happiness and love in the family.

Families are individuals coming together for survival and common goals. A family can be strengthened by sharing their goals, letting each member of the family say what they are doing to help each of the other family members. Take turns and listen to what each member feels they are doing to help the others. Then again taking turns, validate each of the others for what they are doing to help the individual. Sometimes one of the family members is being helped and the one helping doesn’t even know he is creating that kind of effect.

It is like an awakening of what is really happening in the family, what the various hats are and how each family member is contributing to make it all work. Knowing that you have a hat in the family and can do the functions of that hat is what gives the individual a feeling of belonging. Especially for children.

It was quite a shock for one family I was helping when their boy discovered he had two main hats; he was a son and he was a Big Brother. All of a sudden he was valuable and important to the group. The rebellion that he had been entertaining dropped away. He explained to me what a son’s job was and that he wanted his parents to be proud of him. He detailed what the job of a Big Brother was. His little brother was listening and becoming aware of more to their relationship than the teasing and competition. They had care for each other. They had love for each other. Stating it made it more real.

I love helping people achieve their goals. Total Freedom is one of those BIG GOALS that has enduring value. It is a big enough goal that all parts of one’s life can align to achieving it. Thanks be to L. Ron Hubbard that we have a The Bridge through which we can achieve it.

It is one of my goals, to help beings to be free and to be free myself.

I have learned very much about the family and goals from reading the book, “CHILD DIANETICS”, by L. Ron Hubbard. In fact the ideas I discussed above about how to bring a family together are laid out in the Introduction of this book. Each paragraph of the Introduction is an education on family and children, stated simply and with common sense.

Read it for yourself. Even if you don’t have children, you have a family of some sort and it still applies.

As you create your future for you and your family, may you all Flourish and Prosper in what you do. Dream your dreams and make them real. Be Free.

Happy Birthday, Mom. And may you have many more.

Carol Kingsley

Survival

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

Today I want to talk about survival and what it is really, the different forms it can take and what it has to do with ourselves and our children. After all “survive” is the dynamic thrust of life. It is what we are doing and accomplishing in every act that we do from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed; from the time of creation to the time of destruction. (To get more information about this there is an excellent DVD you can get by contacting us here).

So let’s start at the beginning: Oneself! In 2002 I became a community volunteer and trained in the CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) program under the Emergency Operations Center for my county. CERT is a team of neighborhood everyday people who train and agree to work with the civil authorities of their community in the event of a large debilitating disaster such as a flood, hurricane, earthquake, tornado or terrorist attack etc.

During these times the police department, fire department, hospitals and other emergency agencies become so overloaded that it is easy for large groups of people who are not the highest priority to handle, to be left without medical attention, first aide, shelter, food, water and supplies. It is the job of CERT to understand and know how to triage* a situation and bring help and control to an area until the proper authorities arrive. CERT members have helped save lives and made lives bearable until the cavalry arrives. They also often are the team that provides supplies and aide to the rescue workers themselves.

I thought it might be interesting to apply these same lessons learned from the CERT training to parenting as they seem to follow the same very workable technology we use at Mace-Kingsley Family Center.

One of the first thing that a CERT member learns is that in time of a disaster the first person you attend to is YOURSELF. From a parent’s perspective at first this might sound rather selfish. How many times have you put off going to the dentist so your child could go first? How many times have you given up something fun you wanted so your child could get something they wanted? But in the case of real survival think about it: if you out of the action there is no one to get your child that toy, or their food or anything. If you are constantly giving up things you enjoy and love and your hopes and dreams, it won’t be long before depression sets in. So it is not just a physical thing. You must find time to create your life in the way that makes you happy. It is not just to a way to ward off depression. It is also a way to give our children a reason to grow up. Why would anyone want to grow up if being an adult means constant sacrifice, sadness and depression? So it becomes important to survive well and survive well for ourselves. Surviving well creates true pleasure.

The next thing you learn as a CERT member is to then attend to your family. Ensure everyone is well and all trauma’s handled. Any injuries are given first aide and safety is secured.

And we can apply that to parenting: People tend to do better on this when it comes to their kids. But it would be an even greater survival if the children’s “play” and enjoyments came from learning to organize, camp out, sew, find food, and build things from scratch; cook, how to exchange services for services or money and how to help others. I’m talking about activities and games that, if in the event of a sudden shift in the environment or a real disaster, they would then have the skills to survive. I’m talking about real hands-on activities where they actually use their muscles, not computer games.

Also, talking to our children about the “pleasures” of sex is important. The discussion that it is not just being physically pleasured but the pleasure of sharing and caring for each other and of helping each other as a team to attain our goals is sometimes missed. There is true pleasure in helping and watching someone you love win. I’ve never heard it otherwise. OK, so sometimes the “helping” part is not the fun part but watching the win is and I’ve never seen it where their win is not also to some degree your own win, thereby feeding the survival of oneself.

In the media we are bombarded with the “pleasures” and intensity of the sexual act itself. That message is “pleasure and survival for self”. This does not necessarily provide the greatest survival for the human race, as rising statistics of sexually transmitted disease prove. Nor does it bring joy and true long term pleasure. Let’s face it – we live on planet Earth in human bodies and human bodies were designed so that the sensation of sex is pleasurable with the end goal that we will procreate. And the time of greatest desire is when the bodies are young. So yes, our teens will want to have sex. It is not a bad thing; it is the way the body is designed. Therefore, let us give them the tools to control that urge wisely so they can create the greatest survival potential for themselves and the rest of their family. Teach them all the information they need to help them temper those cravings with intelligence and the ability to plan, organize and decide on when the best time to embark on an intimate relationship is going to be the most pro-survival.

It is only after the last two are secured that then CERT teaches you to handle your neighbors and friends and your community. And in keeping with that, it is important to teach our children in word and by way of example, the importance of creating and caring for their community and groups. Join with your children some of the many community projects created to help others. You can check with your town/city, county and local church groups. You don’t necessarily need to be a member of a particular church to help them feed the homeless, or tutor children on their school work. They are often happy to just let you help. Good groups help families and individuals survive well. When you contribute well to a constructive group, they are better able to contribute well to you, whether it be your job, school, neighborhood-watch or church. This provides better survival for you and your family.

In keeping with these lessons, there are other dynamic thrusts on which we survive and while the CERT training does not go over these it could be easy to see how for instance Mankind would benefit if each group, country took care of themselves and then contributed to other countries with the idea of helping each other survive.

In fact, there are eight different ways in which we survive and the data on all eight can be found in information that can be provided by Mace-Kingsley Family Center (www.macekingsley.com or 727-442-3922). Avail yourself of this data and use it to enhance your survival and to ensure the survival of your family!

*Triage: The process of sorting victims as of a battle or disaster, to determine medical priority in order to increase the number of survivors.

Wishing you the greatest survival potential,

Diane DiGregorio Norgard

Mace-Kingsley Family Center

727-442-3922

Purpose

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

Today I want to write about something that is very personal and important to me. One of the reasons I so love working with the age group 12-25 years old is because of a personal experience I had. As I started my senior year in high school, I started to feel panicked. I knew I wanted to go to college. I knew I needed four more years to figure out what to do with myself! I see so many people who take a job because they need the money and soon they are doing less and less of what they love. They did not seem very happy.

Per the Encarta World English Dictionary, the definition of “Purpose” is: the reason for existence. As I was rolling tacos I can tell you I certainly didn’t feel I was fulfilling my reason for existence. I wasn’t quite sure what my reason for existence was.

Up until that point I knew my role in the world. I was the second daughter or Rosalie and Sal and I knew exactly what was expected of me and where I was expected to be at each hour of the day. In exactly nine months, I knew that would all change and I was terrified and disoriented. In college I felt a little better, but still felt as if I was standing on sand in a wind storm.

It took me a little while, but I muddled my way through and it wasn’t until I ran a tutoring center, working with illiterate teens and adults that I realized not everyone was so lucky. Not everyone knew how to sort it out to find what their exact purpose is. Some have it down. I know kids, who from when they were very young, are never seen without charcoal and paper or a guitar in their hands. Some are born to dance or sing. They wear their purpose like their favorite piece of clothing. If they are so lucky as to have parents who nurture that, they just grow into it and no one would ever think that they would do anything else. Others are not so lucky. Those who work along their purpose line, whether for a living or on the side for joy, are the happiest most fulfilled people I know. They may not watch a lot of television, or have that fancy car, or the latest and greatest of anything, but they are truly happy.

So how does one go about finding their purpose in life? And once you’ve found it how do you go about transitioning into doing that for a living or making room for it in and around your life?

Well you can start by listing out all the things you truly love doing, the things that make you most happy. Then list out all the related professions. For instance an artist can paint, draw, teach art, illustrate for writers, work in advertising, do story boards for movies and animation, etc, etc, etc. You get the idea?

Sometimes a purpose is truly broad. For instance, a person whose purpose is to enlighten others on a particular subject could have a much broader choice of professions and activities.

And sometimes people just need help, another person to walk them through it. If you or your child is one of those people, feel free to contact Mace-Kingsley Family Center at 727-442-3922.

Something To Do…

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

Recently I was thinking of my mom.  I have to tell you – like most kids, my mom and I haven’t always seen eye to eye and we’ve had our run-ins.  But mostly I do, and have always thought my mom is the most amazing woman!  There is not one thing I have seen my mother unable to accomplish in the most professional manner.  And then she always manages to create fun while she is doing it!

One of the things that especially stands out in my memory of childhood is her nonacceptance of boredom.  A whine of boredom was always met with a dish towel, a scrub brush, a dust cloth, or a paint brush with paint and paper, a ball of yarn with knitting needles, a new cake recipe with ingredients or a yard or two of fabric with a simple pattern, etc.

Being the middle child of a much older and younger sister I was often found complaining about being left alone.  My mom seldom chastised my older sister for leaving me to my own devices.  Instead at 4 years old I became the best pound cake maker around.  In fact, recently I was remembering how we used to give pound cakes away so often only to realize it was because I was probably baking one a day.  “Joan won’t play with me and no one else is around,” I’d whine.  “I know! Let’s bake a cake!” she’d say cheerily as if she hadn’t said it every day for the last two weeks.  At seven years old I learned to knit my first scarf and at eleven, I learned to sew my first dress.

In my family, we were only allowed one hour of television a day.  On the weekends if we were at my grandparents we could sneak in watching Saturday morning cartoons and “The Million Dollar Movie” with my grandfather.  But when I was at home, TV was a waste of time. Why would you want to watch other people living their lives? Why not just live a life?  That frame of mind has saved me in many situations in my adult life.  Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I am more likely to go create something than clean something; but still my mother’s lesson is forever in my make up.

In teaching children, teens particularly, I find that so many of these kids cannot fathom living without a television set.  Many when they start with me watch minimally 4-6 hours of television a day!  They sometimes have the television on while doing their homework.  Parents of younger children often have a habit of answering a whining child’s need for attention with turning the television set on and fixing the child in front of it so that the parent can get their work done.

Have you ever really watched someone watching television? They are sitting on a couch or a chair absorbing an inflow of information and drama.  They watch lives that are not theirs, they are spectators in others lives.  And why would this be?  Lack of time to do these things themselves or maybe lack of confront?  Well if they are spending that much time watching, I can only assume it is lack of confront.

I am not trying to throw stones here, as I am not a stranger to this lure.  I remember being home with my son when he was little.  From the time I was 18 years old I always worked a job and went to school or worked two, sometimes three jobs whether for pay or volunteering somewhere.  Now I was going to be home with my son.  Well, as my son turned two and a half he didn’t need or want me watching his every move.  Sometimes he was out at a friend’s house and sometimes he was just playing quietly in his room.  I started to turn the TV on for the “company” while I cleaned, not really watching it at all.  Slowly but surely, the pictures and suspense created would lure me in.  Soon I found I was sitting to watch a show or two between the work or while I ate. Before long, the television was on all day and I was watching most of the day. Then one day, I have no idea how long this was going on really, but I was shocked to find something had happened.  The television had been on all day.  I had put my son to sleep and later that night he woke up, came into the family room and sat on me (like a chair- not cuddling or lovingly) and started to watch the TV.  I was shocked!  I started to think about what I had done that day and honestly I had just watched television all day.  And the most shocking thing of all was that I couldn’t even remember what I had watched!  I had literally disappeared as a person and in truth had apparently become, at least to my son, a chair!  I know that sounds odd but think about it:  in that time I had no creative thoughts, very little to no action, I did very little to help anyone but my son and myself. I had spent the day receiving an inflow of communication, much of which was upsetting news or dramatic suspense (often untrue information about the way people should behave or normally behave). Very little of it was educational, some of it was fun, but if I couldn’t even remember it, then…..?

From that day forward, I’ve tried to make a conscious effort to make television a low priority to people. I try to remember and use my mother’s methods to handle boredom.  Television fixes people in one spot, making them inactive.  And I can’t think of a more dangerous thing to have happen.  People do not use their muscles, they accept false information, inappropriate behavior becomes looked upon as the norm because it is portrayed in “funny situation comedies”.  Actions like disrespecting one’s parents or making it look like parents are not as knowledgeable as the teens is common place on television.  Things like promiscuous sex are promoted as “normal”.  Even when beneficial things are taught, the person is seldom sent out to engage in that activity.

If a sudden change of environment were to happen, whether it be due to climate change, natural disaster, man made disasters etc. would we and our children be able to survive well in that environment?  Would they be able to use their own imaginations rather than depend on the imaginations of others to create and rebuild a society? Does it sound too deep, too improbable?  In an age where there are still atomic weapons in most major countries, obvious disagreements between different races and countries of people and environmental anomalies due to pollution, then isn’t it a possibility?  It may be one that is non-confrontable and one that could easily drive a person to becoming apathetic about doing something about it, but it is a possibility never the less.

OK, so now this is starting to get too heavy even for me. Honestly, even with this awareness I still watch TV and doubt I will convince anyone to do otherwise here.  However, I could make you aware of the situation and maybe, just maybe, we can all be more vigilant to limit the television to a certain time period, encourage our children to get out and play and also our teens to volunteer in different community groups and certainly to turn the television off when doing work.  We can by example make the television less important than the living people in front of us.  And we can encourage them to use their own imaginations and to play with the family more.

To get a more technical and exact workable viewpoint about this subject contact Mace-Kingsley Family Center for exact references. You can reach us at 727-442-3922 or [email protected].

Wishing you imagination,

Diane DiGregorio Norgard

Mace-Kingsley Family Center

Pleasure

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

I want to address the subject of “pleasure” today, as this is something that I see is an issue with a lot of teens.

As kids merge their way into adulthood they push for more and more independence. They want more and more to make their own decisions about what they can and cannot do. And parents often have trouble with this. As far as I can tell, here is the reason why:

In order for teens to have that kind of freedom they would have to totally understand how to choose something that will bring them the greatest survival potential.

OK, let’s be fair about this parents — as adults we have not always done this for ourselves and perhaps therein lies part of the nervousness about this. How many of us, either in the past or in the present, violated our own knowingness on how much sugar we should eat, how much sleep we should get, how long we are on that computer, whether to drink at a party (knowing we will need to drive home), whether to go to work when we are contagiously sick, on who we should hang around with, etc., etc., etc. If we had or have trouble with these kind of life decisions and we want the very best for our teens, then how do we trust them?

Believe it or not there is a way! There is a way for them and you both. There is a way to be educated to know how to know when your decisions will bring you the greatest survival potential.

One of the first ways is to understand what “Pleasure” really is. Per the American Oxford Dictionary pleasure is defined as: “a feeling of satisfaction or joy; enjoyment.” In fact, this is the definition I have found in most dictionaries. This definition is very vague and leaves the door wide open to a variety of things good and bad that might be considered pleasurable.

Now I am going to be blunt and honest about this. This comes up most often when parents send their 14-16 year olds to me, because their hormones are raging and getting them into all kinds of trouble. I’m not going to lie and tell you that it is not also the subjects of computers, drugs or alcohol and the myriad of other things it could be, but most often it is the first mentioned.

So let me clarify what, by observation will truly bring satisfaction and joy to a person’s life:

When one is physically healthy, setting achievable goals for the future and actually achieving them is when a person is most satisfied. The momentary “pleasure” one feels is only valid if it results in lasting joy. If the present pleasure will bring about sadness, misery, discomfort or illness in the near or distant future, then it cannot truly fit the definition of “pleasure”. In fact pleasure then becomes the index of survival and future survival. The happier a person is, the more satisfied and fulfilled he is, the better he will survive.

That brings us ultimately to the subject of how can one predict future occurrence, doesn’t it? And that is what our teens really need to learn to become truly correct in their estimation of pleasure. Is it possible? It is! Believe it or not there is information on how to correctly reason and be logical in one’s actions. And it is observably correct as when applied it works. In fact, by researched evidence it works the majority of the time when applied exactly. I will give you more data about this in future writings but for now if you want to know how to access this information and any of the courses related to them contact Mace-Kingsley Family Center at 727-442-3022 or www.macekingsley.com.

Wishing you true pleasure,

Diane DiGregorio Norgard

Mace-Kingsley Family Center

727-442-3922

Parental Failure

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

One of the things I hear most often from parents when they come for help with their children is: “I feel like a failure as a parent.” I have to confess that even with a great deal of training even I once felt like this.

The thing I know now that I didn’t realize then, is that even when a person has a great deal of knowledge on handling babies/children/teens, when it comes to your own children, sometimes a parent is just too close to the situation to know best how to handle it. Sometimes we just need an outside person who is exterior to the situation to see the thing we are missing.

I hate to say this, but the truth is that most of the problems that crop up with the children are the things the parents are missing, or the things they themselves are or are not doing or not confronting. Usually this is happening due to lack of knowledge of a better way to handle things. They either do what they have always seen their and other parents do, they have false information or they are miss-applying some correct information they have learned. Our own irrational behaviors, completely justified, get handed down generation to generation. Laughingly, it is often the subject of situation comedies and such. How often do we see a story-line where a parent is trying to handle something their child is doing, which they themselves are doing while we all laugh along at the obviousness of it, the story resolving with the parent figuring it out in the end?

But all is not hopeless and lost. The other truth is that the only way a parent can really fail is to give up! And to find someone to help you or another person that will help your child is not a failure. Remember that saying, “It takes a village to raise a child?.” There is some truth to that. Working at Mace-Kingsley Family Center I was able to talk to other trained people who spotted an obvious error. My daughter and I both were not eating enough protein and therefore getting cranky with each other. Also we needed to spend more time together doing fun things. Most of the time, the answer is so simple that it is easy to miss. Sometimes it is something we are not doing for ourselves that is totally justified and so we miss it in our children.

To get more data on irrational behaviors and the source of them, Mace-Kingsley has an inexpensive DVD that could literally change your life. And if you need help with your children, that does not make you a failure. It makes you smart if you ask someone for help, especially someone with an excellent track record and a reliable, workable technology. Feel free to contact a parent consultant at Mace-Kingsley Family Center at 727-442-3922.