The Singing Cowboys

Category: Parent Hatting

The Singing Cowboys

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

My dad worked in the Hilton Hotel in Ft. Worth, Texas when he and my mom married. As newly weds that’s where they lived, The Hilton Hotel. It was the late 1930’s and Gene Autry and his singing cowboys were staying at the same hotel. Unaware that anyone was listening, my dad sang while he worked. But Gene Autry was listening. He liked what he heard and invited my dad to join his tour with the singing cowboys.

It was a life changing decision; take the risk of go on the road with an up and coming entertainer or stay “safe” in the job at the hotel. My dad said “No” to that opportunity. He was unsure of himself and he didn’t know all of the words or enough songs. He lived with that “what could have been” for the rest of his life.

I loved him dearly and enjoyed his singing all of his life even though he wasn’t famous! I have learned from his story.

Being competent takes a bit of action; like looking and observing life directly, not through a veil of prejudice or fear or as others tell you what to see. Just Look. In my dad’s case it is clear now “what could have been” but at that time a good look would have helped give him the confidence to step out into a new adventure to follow his dream.

Another part of being competent is learning. An important step of learning is sorting out the false data from the true. Like in the entertainment world “everyone knows” that it is filled with immoral and loose people; it is hard to make it as an entertainer; only a few succeed… etc. etc. Enough of this false data can stop anyone from reaching for his dream.

Also learning brings about knowledge of the correct data. Knowing all of the words to the song and knowing that you know the words! This applies to any field of endeavor. How do you do it? What are the skills to do what you want to do? This takes a bit of learning. And then you Practice!

Being blessed with the natural talent or love for something is awesome. And then to develop that gift by practice and being able to do it with certainty puts an individual into the realm of a true professional.

Happiness and competence go hand in hand. You can read more about this in L. Ron Hubbard’s booklet THE WAY TO HAPPINESS®.

I hope you and your family find the happiness of bringing your dreams to reality. And I hope you enjoy a good song along the way!

Carol Kingsley

I Have Seen Hope and It Is…

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I saw a teenage boy learn that intention is cause. We had talked about it during one of my seminars. He accepted that it could be so even though he had a small body and was a bit timid. Then he found himself in a baseball game. He was at bat. His intention was to hit the ball as hard as he could. He did. It was a home run. He told me he made it happen and now he knew his intention worked. He is now a young man; an executive in our Church.

I saw a teenage girl learn that she was worth something. She knew she was beautiful. She knew her family was well-off. She had most anything she wanted. She was an OBJECT of much admiration. But she was an object. She was throwing her life away on destructive activities. Then she learned that she was not an object but a being. She learned that she could help and she could make a difference in the lives of others. She learned how to care. She learned how valuable she really was. She had her life repaired. Now she is a successful mom and physical fitness trainer. She makes a difference.

I saw a teenager girl who was using drugs and giving her body away for sexual favors learn that she had integrity and morals. She had been seeking friends in all the wrong places. Then when the police searched her for drugs it was a wake up call. Who really were her friends? She found she had some, including me. She learned the magic of using the Ethics Book; she changed the conditions in her life and is now on her way to a successful career helping others.

I saw a family torn apart in the strife of rebellion from their teenage daughter learn that they could love again. She was beautiful. She was smart. Her family was affluent. She had it all. And she was throwing it away with drugs, sex and failing grades. Then she got into a safe environment and was audited. She learned her parents were her friends and that the reason for the difficulty was she had secrets from them. She got the secrets off to her parents and they loved her even more for it. Now her parents are Grandparents and she is a happy mom with a great husband and a successful career. Her life was repaired.

I saw a young boy who was full of fear and violence learn to be kind. When he drew pictures it was of war, explosions, monsters, weapons and fighting. His pictures were heavily drawn in pencil strokes making it all the more bleak and black. He had trouble getting along with others and had been bouncing from one school to another because of discipline problems. He finally got audited. The fear and violence went away and was replaced with fun and vitality. He had his life repaired. He is now Clear, lives in Europe and is training and auditing on the upper levels of the Bridge.

I saw the news today and it made life sound sad, bad and bloody. They need their life repaired.

I saw young people today at Mace- Kingsley come smiling out of session, getting their life repaired.

I saw hope and it is alive and well.

He Could But He Wouldn’t

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“His books were covered in drawings. His scratch paper was covered in drawings. And they were good, even if angry and violent in content. But he wouldn’t draw for art class. He refused to participate. His art was personal and not for others.

“The Art Teacher was a person who could walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Her art hung in some of the best galleries in London as well as in the homes of such celebrities as Steven Speilberg and others. She knew what she was doing. But he wouldn’t participate.

“He was 16 and from a ‘gang’ somewhere in California. He came to this school, which was located in a beautiful wilderness, so he would have a change of environment. His parents wanted to give him a chance to find his place in the world; a chance for him to realize his true potential and be happy in life. But he wouldn’t participate.

“The Art Teacher knew her stuff. She spent time with the boy, getting to know him and earning his trust. What she learned from him was that it was against the moral code of the ‘gang’ to share his art in a positive way. Graffiti was ok. Art projects that others admired was not ok. His art was only to be used for destructive purposes.

“Talk about suppression of the creativity of an artist! This was upside down! Artists are the dream-makers of society. They give beauty and pleasure to existence. They are God-like in their ability to make something out of nothing.

“Thank goodness this Art Teacher was also highly trained in Scientology Counseling. On a very easy gradient she was able to guide the boy into inspecting the ‘gang’ moral code and free himself of this suppression. He was no longer stopped. He could participate.

“She used a universally known booklet called THE WAY TO HAPPINESS. This booklet was written by L. Ron Hubbard to give us a moral code based wholly on common sense and one which is entirely nonreligious in nature. It carries no other appeal than to the good sense of the individual who reads it. It is simple to read, yet life changing in the power of its application.

“Every parent should have this booklet as a guide for answering those profound questions that each child has; for all of those, ‘Why?’ and ‘How come?’ questions from your child. For both the parent and the child, it can help bring about happiness in the home.

“By the way, the 16 year old boy is now grown and has a successful career as an artist in the music industry. I am very proud of him!

“With Wishes for Happiness in Your Life,”

Carol Kingsley

Get Me To The Train On Time

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Years ago I was traveling in Germany alone and needed to get to the train station. I took a taxi with the hope that the driver would speak English and I could communicate my destination. After trying my limited German vocabulary I found out he was from Turkey and didn’t speak English. YIKES.

My only solution was to start speaking much louder…if I yelled loud enough he would understand I needed to get to the TRAIN STATION!!!

It was like talking to a reactive mind. No Comprendo. (I don’t understand.) Sometimes I see parents who think they can yell their children to sanity… “If I yell loud enough they will understand me” technique. I remember a few years ago when I was back home helping an elderly friend. The person was mostly out of Present Time except for the vital necessities of survival. She was also “hard of hearing” (which is a polite way of saying mostly deaf!).

Consequently, having a conversation was challenging. I’d say something like “It is a nice day.” To which was responded, “I don’t feel like playing.” To which I yelled, “I SAID IT WAS A NICE DAY!!” To which I would get a response, “You don’t have to YELL!” To which I would roll my eyes and huff and puff!

After many such conversations I tried using the approach “yelling the person to sanity”. Somehow if I yelled and was forceful enough the person would come to present time and duplicate what I was saying. This approach is like coming upon someone who has just been hit by a car and is bleeding all over the street and you start yelling at them to stop bleeding! It doesn’t work.

It is a physical universe thing. The person is hit by a car, in pain and bleeding. Yelling doesn’t stop the bleeding.

Well then it dawned on me; my friend was stuck in her Reactive Mind! It was like she was handicapped as a result of being in the painful moments of the past. You you can’t yell someone to sanity.

The Reactive Mind is a physical universe thing! When the Reactive Mind is being dramatized it is like the guy bleeding all over the street. It is real and is manifested right now in the physical universe. You can’t yell it to sanity.

Someone whose aberrations are making life difficult, like the child who is cranky, whining and uncooperative, is actually just “bleeding all over the street”. They are in some sort of past incident, out of present time, and it is a real physical universe thing.

Another thing is that the Reactive Mind contains PAIN, UNCONSCIOUSNESS, and PAINFUL EMOTIONS! When the Reactive Mind is being dramatized THAT is what is coming to the surface and acting like Present Time! The pain and drama of the past is a real physical universe thing. We can see it being acted out in Present Time.

When I started looking at my friend through this understanding I realized she was in Pain, had some Unconsciousness and some Painful Emotions! Just as I would not yell at someone to stop bleeding on the street, I wouldn’t yell at someone who was in pain from the past as a way to get them to stop hurting! Suddenly I had patience and understanding.I could communicate with ARC and make it safe for the person to approach Present Time so we could have a conversation. It changed my life.

Then I started auditing my friend and changed her life!

This is all from reading a book called DIANETICS by L. Ron Hubbard. He has many more stories in the book and makes it very easy to understand why this wonderful thing we call life can sometimes be nuts. It is a great read for any parent.

By the way,the taxi driver in Germany spoke Turkish, German and SPANISH! OLE! (Yahoo!) My high school Spanish worked for me and we made it to the train station on time!

Help Your Child’s Creativity Blossom

Posted on by wilson-admin-main

Children are amazingly creative. Every day they wave a magic hand and transform the world into a wondrous place full of beauty, excitement and adventure. To a child creativity and imagination come as naturally as breathing.

As adults, our challenge is to nurture a child’s creative impulses so that they endure into the teen and adult years.

This is not hard to accomplish. It’s mostly a question of what you validate. By validate I merely mean “give attention to.”

If you validate certain attitudes and behavior in children, those attitudes and behavior patterns grow stronger and manifest themselves more frequently. Conversely, attitudes and behavior that are ignored (not validated) tend to disappear or diminish.

The trick, of course, is to recognize and validate positive, survival behavior and not to validate negative, non-survival behavior.

On the subject of creativity, this is easily done. “Wow! Just look at that picture! You’re such a good artist! Would you please draw me another?” is a fine example of validating a child’s natural creativity. It breeds enthusiasm to do more and to improve.

Parents who take a few moments to encourage creativity in such a fashion almost always wind up with children that grow into creative teens and adults.

On the other hand, parents who can’t be bothered, who find fault with a child’s efforts or who offer lots of criticism (constructive or not) often stifle a child’s creative impulses. “Oh, is this a house? I couldn’t tell. Now I see. Nice. But, you know, the chimney is in the wrong place. If you would put it over here you would have a much better picture,” is a sure way to dampen enthusiasm.

If you will recall your own childhood, I think you’ll realize that you responded most to the adults in your environment who validated the things you were trying to do and be. Quite possibly there was one person in particular (a parent, teacher, friend of the family, etc.) who had a profound influence on the direction your life took simply because they recognized and validated your talents or efforts in some direction.

You may also recall that the adults with whom you had the most difficulty were the ones who were seemingly blind to your positive qualities or, worse yet, only gave attention to your negative ones. You were probably most badly behaved around adults who regarded you as a “bad” or “unruly” child–another example of validation at work.

Now, as an adult, you have an opportunity to shape and influence the lives of many children. That influence will be positive to the degree that you recognize and validate survival behavior and creativity. A little effort now will pay huge dividends in the future.

Carol Kingsley

What Exactly is Own Time?

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Today I would like to write about something that is very important to every child parent relationship and remedies many problems for parents. It is also the way most auditing sessions start for children and I have found is one of the most misunderstood actions. I am talking about a “Special Technique for Children” or otherwise often known as “His/Her time” or “Own Time”.

I know immediately it is a misunderstood process whenever a parent complains that the auditor has spent too much time on “own time”, or playing in the session. So I want to go over this to clear it up:

On pages 125-126 of Child Dianetics, under Chapter 8 Special Technique for Children you will find the answer to all your questions:

“You should provide something which will, in effect be educational first of all. Therefore, set aside a time during the day when the child can do anything he desires which doesn’t hurt animals or property. If he wants you around during this time, which you can begin to call ‘Billy’s time,’ fine. Spend the hour or two with him and do whatever he asks you to do, within reason of course. After the novelty wears off he will begin to use ‘his’ time to ask you questions about the world around him, questions which you should answer very carefully and accurately, no matter what the subject might be. It would be very unfair to say, in an answer to an innocent question about sex for instance, ‘Now let’s don’t talk about nasty things like that.’ Answer him simply and fully, and with an absolute minimum of stammering and blushing on your part.

“Sometimes the child will want to spend ‘his’ time being held on your lap, and the special case might even want a bottle. Don’t tell him this is childish, and that he has outgrown such pursuits. Give him the bottle and hold him on your lap until he tires of this.

“Perhaps he will want to dramatize family difficulties, such as a recent argument between his parents. Fine. Go over it with him just as he desires. This will often release many locks formed during the unpleasant experience, not only those formed in the child, but if you are the parent involved, in yourself as well. When the child becomes assured that there are no strings attached to your offer of ‘his’ time, he will take full advantage of the opportunity to go over many details which have hurt him, and once returned to in this fashion, they will seldom bother him again.

“Then after a few periods spent in this way, ask if there is anything he wants to know, or anything he wants to talk about. Allow his dignity and enormous self-determinism to assert itself. Coax him to explain things to you, in his own language. When he runs across something which troubles him for a meaning, he will ask you, if you have gained his confidence. Sometimes when the child asks you a question which you are sure he should have known for some time, feed it back to him as another question, asking him what he thinks about it. This is often what the child really wants, and is only using the question as a means of opening discussion on the subject.

“During ‘his’ time, don’t ask why a certain thing happened, ask what happened. Explain why. If there is a need for giving him information use multivalued logic (right-maybe-wrong) and explain its use. As for the decisions which are made about any discussion, let him make his own decision, and do not tell him he is wrong. If you feel he has made a decidedly false assumption, save your comments for another period, and feed the appropriate questions, explanations and data again.

“Single-valued explanations or definitions are actually positive suggestion. To say a thing is unqualifiedly true is to attempt to make a child accept your decision about a subject. Never forget the qualifying data- ‘The dictionary says that white is the combination of all colors.’ ‘Grandmother told me she has never seen Pike’s Peak.’ By so saying the child is allowed to make his own evaluation as to whether or not the dictionary is right, or as to whether or not Grandmother ever actually visited Pike’s Peak. It might be that Grandmother told you one thing, and gave someone else another version.” LRH

OK, so in a nutshell every parent should spend some time with their child in this way. It increases the affinity for the parent and the child, it increases the reality and agreement between them and it puts them in better communication. The increase in these things make the child more willing to be controlled to do chores, get to bed on time, and to follow the rules of the house. And in disciplining them it is certainly the deciding factor that makes a child care that the parent is unhappy about whatever the situation is. I have seen many instances where children whose parents have been “too busy” to put this in, didn’t care that the parent was upset when the child was being disciplined . Their attitude became, “So?” or “Yeah, I expected you would do that!” (With a nasty attitude towards the parent.)

So for parents, it is very important to put this in daily. Without it, your child will go to the streets and to others for answers to their questions and in their teens this becomes prevalent, leaving them open to accept all kinds of false data about relationships, life and livingness!

But why does an auditor have to use this “his” time and play at the beginning of the session? Well most people do have the idea that it raises the affinity, reality and communication between the counselor and the child and that is true. It is also true however, that as a child is often too young to sit quietly with e-meter cans in their hands. How do you handle the child’s rudiments in the session in order to get the child interested in their own case and willing to talk to the auditor, rather than having their attention fixed on the toy their friend just pulled out of their hand, or the grounding they got last night, or the upset they just had with their brother or sister?

You see? So the auditor in their play will let the child “…dramatize family difficulties, such as a recent argument between his parents.” (as per LRH above) etc. A lot of time the child will cough up a problem they have and together with the auditor they can work out a handling before they get into the body of the session.

But let’s say the person is happy and flying along, then the auditor can take that time to hat the child on life basics through games. For instance I often teach kids about the ARC Triangle and how to use it to get along with friends. I will teach them the LRH datum about Be-Do-Have to teach them about how to earn things that they want for themselves. I teach them about how to attain a goal and use it to win a game and then go over how even life is a game. And I often teach them about postulates, how to make one and then we practice it in their games so they can win. And it is really fun to watch their postulates come to fruition and also to have them run back to session the next day to give me their wins on how it worked for them at school or at home!

And all this time they think they are just playing. So when they go home and the parent asks them what they did in session that day of course they are going to say, “We played the whole time.”

And honestly even in the body of the session itself a child might think a process is a game of sorts! I’ve had some very young child tell me when I say, “This is the session!”,“So this is your time to pick what game we play.”

So there you go. That is the mechanics of it if anyone has any questions! I hope this helps!

If you would like to be added to our e-mail list to receive LRH Technical tips weekly please contact us and we will be happy to add you to our list.

Wishing you miracles,

Diane DiGregorio Norgard
Mace-Kingsley Family Center
727-442-3922